Love Tree

Our Thankful Tree has evolved into a Love Tree.

I love this tree and I didn't want to take it down yet so we decorated it again!

Here it is!

Thankful Tree

Our Thankful Tree. My eldest sister, Robin, hosted dinner at her house back when Lili was about 2 and we all wrote what we were thankful for on paper leaves and taped them on a tree. I loved the idea and so we have recreated it several years since then. Here is our current version!

Becoming

Do you ever feel like you are ingesting information at a break neck pace and not even getting the chance to put those things into practice? I feel overwhelmed sometimes with all of the stuff I am learning and the height of my "to read" book pile. I'm making some changes this week that should help. More on that later.

I had over 7,000 emails (yes, that is thousand) in my inbox and sat down to purge it and I came up with a few gems that I wanted to remember.

This is a site with links to interactive sites that let you imitate famous artists work digitally. I think it will be a fun way to introduce my kids to certain artists.

This one has an article about fulfilling your personal mission. I want to study this one in more depth and write my thoughts on it.

I think my children are brilliant and I really liked this article about raising geniuses. It is another I want to study and write about.

That is all for tonight. Siiri's schedule is all messed up and so we are a bit sleep deprived. I'm going to try to remedy that now.

Rain. I hope the sky turns blue soon.

Siiri's Birth Story

Siiri Eleanor DeForest came into our family so peacefully it was almost like a dream. I am filled with awe even now as I think of it.

The first of our 5 girls was born here in Maine at Mercy hospital in Portland. It was more like a nightmare. I wanted to have a natural birth with her but I was totally unprepared for it. It was also a very long back labor and I thought I was going crazy. After that I decided that I was going to either not have any more children biologically or I was going have an epidural for the pain next time. The next birth went extremely smoothly. I was induced four days after my due date and she was born 3 hours and 15 minutes after I checked into the hospital. I had an epidural as soon as I felt like the pain was a little too uncomfortable and there were no complications of any kind. That was a very healing experience and gave me confidence that I would be able to have more children in what I considered to be a reasonable way.

Baby #3 was also induced just 2 days after my due date and I had another epidural. The labor was not terribly long and it went well. About the time Grace came along I was researching all kinds of health related topics and had changed my mind about many things I had been doing. We were trying to live a much more natural healthy lifestyle. I changed pediatricians because the one we had been seeing wasn’t supportive of natural remedies much at all and I wanted to take a different approach to my baby’s care and have someone supportive of me in that quest.

Baby #4 came four days early so no induction was wanted but I had an epidural with her as well. I went to a new midwifery office for #4 and I really didn’t like the way they questioned so many of my decisions and tried to shame me into changing my mind. One thing I specifically requested was that I not be given pitocin after the birth unless I really needed it. It was standard procedure with them so that women would avoid hemorrhaging but my midwife said that would be fine. When the time came she checked my bleeding and put on this little act like I really needed some help with the pitocin. It seemed strange and the nurse who was assisting clearly didn’t agree. The midwife went ahead and gave me pitocin and ignored the nurse who could see that things were a little put on. I felt pretty disrespected throughout that whole pregnancy and birth but the studying I had done helped me be confident in the decisions I had made.

I thought baby #4 would be our last for a little while but was still interested in hearing stories from my friend’s births and many of them had had homebirths. I thought I was just different and that I needed to have a hospital birth in order to receive an epidural because I decided I have a very low pain tolerance. When we decided we were going to have another baby, right away I had the feeling that I would like to have a homebirth. For many reasons this ended up being a great decision but it seemed to come from nowhere. I would think about that desire and wonder why I felt so convinced that it was what I wanted to do. It didn’t make sense based on my experience but at the same time I was completely sure that that is what I wanted this time.

I began researching what it meant to have a homebirth, how it all happened with the midwives coming and what I needed to have on hand etc, etc. I started learning about childbirth methods and different approaches to childbirth to try and see what might work for me. I read the hypnobirthing book and listened to one of the cds that come with the program and though I learned some things that were helpful from the book the method overall didn’t seem like a good fit for me. I read a book called Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering by Sarah Buckley that was really great. I also started reading everything I could online about Ina May Gaskin and decided I wanted to read her books. I borrowed Spiritual Midwifery and Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth from my midwives. They were fantastic books. I think the biggest thing that I learned from all of my reading and studying was that I didn’t need to be afraid. If I was afraid or negative it would work against me in labor and that I had control over that. I learned that labor is a complex thing but if allowed to proceed without interference (from medications, fear, or even annoyance) the hormones and chemicals would all work properly to allow the baby to enter the world peacefully. I learned to view childbirth as normal and natural and joyful. What a thought! I knew the joy of the baby in my arms afterward but the idea that the labor and deliver could be wonderful too was a very foreign concept. As I embraced those ideas I became really excited about getting to have this opportunity to experience birth the way it is meant to be.

I had taken a Family Herbalist class from the School of Natural Healing and in one of Dr Christopher’s books (he is the herbalist that started the school) he talked a lot about preparing for a great birth and a healthy baby. He had developed an herbal formula called Birth Prep that is to be taken starting 6 weeks before the baby is due. I began that formula as well as Evening Primrose Oil, extra Calcium, extra Vitamin C and my regular prenatal vitamins- D, B complex, Cod Liver Oil, magnesium, and Iodarol (Iodine for my thyroid). I really think the Birth Prep and Primrose Oil made a big difference. It is hard to isolate one variable among so many different things I was trying to do but altogether it was perfect!

Tom was extremely supportive. Especially as Siiri’s due date approached I could tell we were naturally getting closer in anticipation. It was really neat. He wrote this entry on his blog:

Something unexpected is happening to me.

We are expecting our fifth girl. This was not unexpected. My wife decided to have a home birth. I’ve known this for several month so this is not the thing that is unexpected, either.

No, the thing that surprises is me is how I feel about this birth—I’m excited. Just about anyone who knows me can tell you that I have a weak stomach. Blood has always made me weak in the knees. So it should surprise you that I’m excited. I think I will be queasy but there is something that is going to push me past all of that.

It’s hard to describe without sounding ridiculous or clumsy. I am excited for the responsibility of supporting my wife through natural labor. I am excited to be a part of the delivery of this daughter in a way I’ve never been involved before.

Maybe I can compare it to be assigned an important mission. It is daunting. Many people are counting on you. If you fail, the repercussions are serious. But, despite all fears, you know you were born to do this and you will succeed against all odds. That is how I feel.

It is an entirely unexpected feeling. Fear—I knew I would feel that. Sickly—yep, expecting bouts of wobbly knees. Flowing over and floating under these and all other feelings is a confidence that this is what the Lord sent me here to do right now. He will be with me and my wife. It will be beautiful and moving like nothing I’ve ever done.

One week til the due date. I can’t wait.

He was everything I needed him to be.

I didn’t have as many practice contractions as last time. I would have contractions if I overdid it but I would rest and drink some water and they would stop. I began having contractions here and there 2 days before she was born that were a little more regular but they were not strong and then they would stop before they got intense. Friday night, her due date, we were out on our date and I had some contractions every 12-15 minutes for several hours. That was a little distracting and so we went home so that I could rest just in case they didn’t stop. They did stop and we slept well that night. Because they were beginning to be more regular I tried to think of them as rushes or surges so that I was in the right frame of mind. Saturday morning I had more regular but weak rushes. Tom was out mowing the lawn and I went to the bathroom and had some “baby show.” Things were really happening! I hadn’t been checked at all my whole pregnancy so it was reassuring to see evidence that things were changing and progressing. Those surges stopped as well and I tried to get the house put together. I called my mother who was going to be with the girls and she came sometime during that afternoon. I had a few more throughout the day but nothing remarkable. My mother and I debated whether she would head home or stay and she decided to stay. We went to bed around 10:30 or 11pm.

I woke up at 12:30 with rushes. They were slightly more intense so I started to time them and they were 3-4 minutes apart. I waited for a couple of hours to see if they were going to stop or change and I wanted to let Tom get as much rest as possible. I took this time to figure out a comfortable, natural way to breath through the surges. It helped to always remember to breath and never hold my breath. I think this was great practice and I was feeling confident and excited. I woke Tom up around 3:30 when the rushes started to get stronger and we called the midwives right away. After that we got settled back into bed and laid there together for a little bit and then my water broke! It was pretty comical actually. It was in the middle of a surge and they had begun to be more intense and so we were quiet and I was trying to breath evenly and then we heard a POP! and then suddenly everything was really warm. It was really funny. I was glad we had gotten the bed all ready in case we decided to have her on the bed.

Tom helped me to the shower, changed the bed and began filling the tub. Mama woke up while we were moving around and Tom woke Kate and Lili up when he went up to get a sheet. Then Lucy woke up and my mom stayed with her and they read books. Tom also called Julia and she arrived a little later.

The surges were really intense now that my water had broken. The warm shower felt a little better and I was looking forward to getting into the warm tub. In the shower I started to do what I kind of pictured in my head as breathing and making a quiet groaning down to meet the rush. I could feel just what tone I needed to make when I got there and it really helped to balance out the intensity of the surge. Earlier I also had Tom push down hard on my lower back which was very helpful. Tom was busy while I was in the shower and I couldn’t push as hard as he could on that spot so I began to feel a little anxious. The midwives arrived just as I was getting out of the shower. They checked the baby’s heartbeat and asked me a few questions and then just quietly got set up. I went and laid on the bed until the tub was ready and they checked Siiri’s heartbeat again. Everything sounded great. Tom came in with me and helped me change into what I wanted to wear in the tub. Then I settled into the tub. I felt very in control as long as I could groan and have Tom put pressure on that spot.

I was just thinking how great things were going and I began to wonder what the rest of the labor was going to be like when I had another rush come and then I felt what I thought was a pushing urge. I sucked my breath in hard because I was so surprised and then remembered to keep breathing. I wasn’t positive that was it but pretty sure so when the surge ended I said something like ‘I think I felt like pushing.” They were very calm and just said something like “okay.” When the next rush came sure enough it came with the need to push. I pushed once hard and I reached down and there was her head. I could tell she had tons of hair! Then I pushed again and she came right out into the water. Sarah scooped her up and handed her to me. There she was!

She had arrived so suddenly I think I was a bit in shock! Tom and I looked at each other thinking, “that’s it?” It was so amazing! There she was in my arms after a beautiful, peaceful labor and delivery. I could hardly believe it and yet there we were. I was so happy, relieved, and just pleased as could be. Lili, Kate, and Julia were right there with us and it was really neat to share that with them. I only wish that it had gone a little more slowly so that Mama, Lucy, and Grace could have made it down from upstairs. They came down soon after. I also had not been coherent enough to realize that even though I didn’t need my sister, Siiri, to watch the girls because Mama was there that maybe she would have wanted to just be there. I wish I had asked her and worked that out. But it was almost perfect.

She was so peaceful. She didn’t let out a big cry right away so they gave her some oxygen until she got a good cry out. She was still so peaceful. She settled right down and began nursing. She was a natural at nursing which was also a relief to know. I think she swallowed a lot of air when they were giving her oxygen so that took her a few days to work its way out but otherwise she was content and snuggly from the beginning. The midwives took a few pictures and helped us get cleaned up and into bed.

After a little while Anna, the midwife student assistant, came in to give us the placenta tour. That was quite an education! Our bodies are so amazing! God is so good and being co-partners in creating these perfect little people is such a blessing and an honor. I’m so grateful to Him for allowing me that gift. I am also so grateful to my husband for supporting me through it all so well. He was wonderfully strong and constant as always. My midwives were just what I needed and helped me to achieve the birth that I wanted. This is truly the way children were meant to come into the world and I just want to shout for joy that I got to have the experience! Now I get to go change a messy diaper! I know it sounds weird but sometimes there is even joy in that! Yeah for mommyhood!

Journal, Sunday, May 15th, 2011

The baby is due on Friday the 20th of May, Mama's birthday. So close! I'm so excited to meet her and anxious to get it done and start healing. I've been feeling pretty well but have begun to have a few little problems that will begin to heal shortly after she arrives and until then are just to be coped with. I made myself a boppy pillow and that has been a big help in coping. I'll be excited to sleep on my back again!

We haven't come up with a name for sure yet but have narrowed it down to Siiri and Eleanor. We may put them together and call it good. They don't exactly flow together but they won't be said very often together anyway. This has definitely been the hardest naming job we've had. If we name her Eleanor we would call her Elle, Ella, or Ellie. Or if her name is Siiri we'd probably just call her Siiri! or Siir, or other silly nicknames that I used for my sister Siiri, like Siiri-lodel, Sweeri, Siireal, or Siiriously. I bet the girls will come up with their own:).

The house is a mess right now so hopefully I won't go into labor tonight! I feel pretty ready but not completely yet so I can wait.

I read my journal from around the time that Lili was born the other day and it is sometimes hard to imagine when she wasn't here yet. I'm sure it will be the same way with the little one. It will be like she was always part of our family in no time. I hope we all adjust easily. 5 girls! Wow!

In my reading some of the midwives encourage you not to use the term contractions and rather refer to them as surges or rushes. I like that better. Especially since it sometimes feels like you are driving and going over a little hill and coming down really quickly- you know how you lose you stomach a little when that happens? Well, that is part of the feeling I get when a contraction first starts and that is more like a surge or a rush for sure! I will try to envision the muscles working together to do their job and even though I know that it will be intense I am feeling ready to do it and also feel like it will be a real growing and bonding experience for me and Tom and for our whole family.

Some tips that I've picked up that I think will be useful in labor are humor, kissing (Tom of course), relaxing into a limp, detached state, rotating or dancing the hips on a ball or as you lean on a walking stick or the side of the tub, also hanging a little from the top of a door or something else high to stretch into the rushes. I might give birth in the tub if it is soothing. Alternately they will bring a birth stool and I can lay on the bed on my side if that ends up being most comfortable. I want to try walking early on as much as possible. The McCleans told us about a pressure point inside the ear that helped Amy a bit in her last delivery. I think I remember where it is and they showed Tom too. Between the two of us maybe we can make that work.

I stayed home from church with Lucy today. She has a fever and a cough and a little bit of a runny nose. She said that it hurts behind her ears. I treated her tonight for an ear infection with E3 oil. It is a combination of Mullein, Lobelia, and Garlic. It always works wonders so we'll see how she is tomorrow. I hope on the mend. She also drank some raspberry leaf tea. She is so sweet and I am glad we had some relaxing snuggle time today since she'll have to share me for a little while before long. I'm so glad we do buddy dates so that we have that time for each one of them.

Easter Sunday, April 24th, 2011

I'm home from church today with Lucy. She has a bit of a cold with quite a cough, a little bit of a runny nose and some sneezing. She is mostly running around as if nothing is wrong so I'm not too concerned just wanted to keep her from making anyone else sick. She is sitting at the dining table playing with her orange peels. They are a family I guess. She just used one to say to the other, "Be quiet or I'll sit on you!" She is so funny. Maybe that is the threat I should use when she won't be quiet. I haven't tried that one:).

My birthday was yesterday. I had a nice bath in the morning and then we had our neighbors, the Browns, over for an egg hunt. They are really nice. They have 3 little boys, Griffin 5, Ivan 2, and a brand new baby. After the hunt and a little bit of visiting they left and we had lunch. I tried tucking Lucy in for a nap after lunch but she didn't go to sleep. I helped Grace finish her new church bag and then Tom took the older 3 girls shopping and I went up to Lucy's room and laid down in Lili's bed hoping that would help Lucy get to sleep. I took a nice nap but Lucy just played. Oh well. We've been lucky that she has napped this long. I was wondering when she would stop. It looks like it is beginning. When Tom got home I opened a few cute presents and then Lili watched the girls while Tom took me to dinner. We went to Olive Garden and I splurged on Steak Gorgonzola Fettucini. It was really yummy and plenty to bring home for leftovers. I love that! After dinner we picked up some curtains for our bedroom on clearance at Pier 1 and some fabric at Walmart for a diaper bag and skirts for the girls.

Mama and Walt, Julia and Matt, and maybe Mel and the kids are coming over around 4:30 for an Easter dinner of ham, potatoes, vegetables, biscuits, and maybe cheesecake. I think it will be very nice. I love the peace of the Sabbath. We have the Tabernacle Choir playing in the background- the album O Divine Redeemer that has some beautiful Easter selections on it. Lucy and I watched some Easter videos that had President Monson and some children telling what happened leading up to Easter morning. It is so humbling to study the Savior's life. I believe the love for each of Heavenly Father's children that He developed through the experience of His perfect life, Atonement, and Resurrection is part of what gives Him the power to succor and save us. It is a beautiful miracle. I believe in Christ!